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Sunday, April 26, 2015

Movie Review - Bound (2015)

Movie Review – Bound (2015)

Not to be confused with Bound the 1996 film starring Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly, this version of Bound is a flimsy attempt to capitalize on the “Mommy Porn” market by being a Fifty Shades of Grey rip-off film.

The main character, Michelle, is the “good girl” daughter of a wealthy real estate mogul (Daniel Baldwin) in Los Angeles. The family’s firm has been losing money since the real estate crash of 2008 - 2009 and the company is barely staying afloat. Michelle wants to move up within the company, while juggling being a single mother of a teen age daughter, and having an affair with a co-worker.

While out at dinner with her daughter, she spots a handsome younger man sitting at the bar. He is a Christian Grey clone named Ryan Black. (See! I told you he was a Christian Grey clone!) Their eyes connect and Michelle falls into lust with the young man. Her feelings overwhelm her and she rushes out of the restaurant forgetting to pay the bill. Embarrassed, she rushes back after dropping off her daughter at home. Fortunately, for Michelle, the young man is still there. He talks her into smoking a cigarette with him in the smoking lounge where he begins to kiss and fondle her. She manages to talk him out of seducing her in the restaurant, and he gives her his phone number.

The next day he invites her over to a photo shoot and he talks her into showing him her office. In a matter of minutes she has become his “submissive” and he is eating her out on her father’s desk. There are other erotic moments in the film that all feel like they were forced. That includes all of the fake kink scenes. The worst is at a charity event for an Alzheimer relief benefit. Really? A sex scene at an Alzheimer charity event? Wow… I believe that is a complete new low.

The Tagline is: “No Grey. Only Black and White…” I think I threw up in my mouth a little just now.

Unfortunately, I cannot recommend this film for any reason. I did not realize it but the company that produced this film is famous for making many of the incredibly bad “science fiction” films that air on the Syfy channel. You may have heard of Sharknado and Z nation? They ruined sci-fi and now they are ruining BDSM too? Can I file a lawsuit against Asylum films for ruining entertainment and crime against humanity?

Rated R / Unrated

0.5 stars out of 5

Pros: Brief nudity, bondage, puppy play, female dominant / female submissive, female dominant / male submissive

Cons: Produced by Asylum Pictures, luke warm sex scenes, zero sense of Dominance and submission. It was as if they read a few pages out of Fifty Shades of Grey then wrote a movie. F’ing garbage!

If you paid money to watch this film demand a refund! The entire film is on YouTube:

Being a bad little girl.

Is imitation the truest form of flattery? Or just another Hollywood ripoff film?

The BDSM in this film is about as accurate as the placement of her mask.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Movie Review - My Tutor (1983)

Movie Review – My Tutor (1983)

Created in the golden age of teen movies, the 1980s sex comedy My Tutor is about a high school student named Bobby and his friends trying to lose their virginity. Ahh, there’s nothing like teen sex and comedy during the Reagan years… It is the last day of high school, and Bobby and his friends are on a quest to lose their virginity during the summer before they have to leave for college. Unfortunately, for Bobby and the gang, they seem to keep having a bunch of mishaps that ruin their chances for getting the job done. 

Bobby also has a small problem. Bobby has failed his final test in French, and cannot attend Yale University without a passing score, so his father hired a tutor to live in the guesthouse during the summer to help get Bobby’s test scores up. 

From the beginning, Bobby resists the tutor and her teaching. He feels a bit cheated out of a summer vacation having to spend his days studying French and not meeting girls. Even more important, Bobby is not sure that he wants to attend Yale, because his true love lies in Astronomy. 

One evening, Bobby catches his tutor swimming in their pool naked. She is the first real woman that he has seen up close and he is attracted to her. She catches him spying on her, and she scolds him, but there is a mutual attraction between them. He begins to warm up to his tutor, Terry and begins to probe her with questions. Terry tells Bobby about her cheating boyfriend. They become friends, which helps Bobby in the learning process. 

Terry invites Bobby to a French restaurant across town. While sipping wine, Terry’s ex-boyfriend spots her and confronts her asking why she moved out. It is revealed that Terry’s ex is a serial cheater. Bobby is obligated to step in to pull Terry away from this bad relationship. 

Terry’s ex problems pushes her closer to Bobby and the two of them become lovers, keeping their relationship hidden from Bobby’s parents and his friends. During the day, they are teacher and student, and at night, they are passionate lovers as Terry teaches Bobby how to make love. 

This movie is a prime example of how much things has changed in American society since the 1980s. A 29yr old woman hooking up with a 17yr old college student would definitely raise some eyebrows nowadays. Terry would most likely have been arrested at the minimum for statutory rape even though he is above the age of consent. There is also some casual drinking in the film by the teenagers even though they are under the legal drinking age of 21. Most of these things would have been frowned on in the 1980s but not punished harshly as they would now. 

The idea of a sex comedy may have passed with the last being the American Pie series. I haven’t decided if this is a good thing or a bad one. My feelings are the same about this film.

Check out the trailer. It is a weird mix of a romantic comedy and porn movie feel. 


Rated R

2 out of 5 stars
Pros: Nudity, Older woman / younger man sex, prostitution, Kitten Natividad (porn star)

Cons: Unexplained BDSM scene

There's nothing like teen sex and the love of aerobics in the 80s.

Do fries come with that shake?

Now THAT is acting...

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Movie Review - Fifty Shades Of Grey (2015)

Movie Review – Fifty Shades of Grey

Not since the film 9 ½ weeks has there been such a film that has stirred up so much hype. Not only has there been a hype about the book, which has currently sold over 150 million copies, but a secondary market has been generating millions of dollars as well. Adult sex toys, lotions, lingerie, clothing, condoms, wine, jewelry, cosmetics etc. all are licensed with the name. On top of all of the hype is the constant flow news stories from national news sources, and Hollywood including local news coverage as well.  

In case you are unfamiliar with the story, it is about a young college named Ana who fills in for her friend Kate, who was given the opportunity to interview a young Billionaire named Christian Grey for the college’s newspaper. During the interview, Christian becomes interested in Ana on a personal level and they embark on a casual relationship complete with awkward glances.

After several encounters and building of romantic / sexual tension, Ana is “rescued” by Christian after Ana goes on a bender at a local bar. Ana drunk dials Christian in the bar while waiting to use the restroom.  Christian believes that she has had too much to drink, and travels to the bar to rescue her. While Ana is outside, her friend Jose’ tried to kiss Ana, but is cockblocked by an angry Christian who shoves Jose’ away. A moment later Ana passes out in his arms. Not knowing where Ana lives, Christian takes her back to his hotel room. The next morning they continue to flirt culminating into a passionate kiss in the elevator.

A few days later, Christian invites Ana on a date and takes Ana up in his helicopter. Then takes Ana back to his penthouse apartment. Christian has Ana sign a non-disclosure agreement (a legally binding agreement that assures her silence or she will face a lawsuit) assuring her silence before they can become intimate. Once Ana signs the agreement, Christian shows Ana his “playroom”.

Christian’s playroom is a secret BDSM dungeon that he has created in his penthouse. It is full of whips, rope, chains and other items that would be used in a BDSM scene. After he shows Ana the room, he takes her to her own bedroom, and Ana reveals to Christian that she is a virgin. This knowledge whet’s Christian’s appetite and Christian deflowers Ana that night.

At this point in the film is where the eye candy happens. I will not give away any more of the film, but this is where the book and the film differ. The sex scenes in the movie are a lot more realistic than in the book. They were also a little sexier too.

There’s few differences in the story telling of this film that work better than the book, such as the dialog and interaction between Christian and Ana. However, much of the back story and what was going on in Ana’s mind to make her indecisive is what’s missing. She loves the light bondage and spanking, but the other stuff? This could have been cleared up with just a conversation between Ana and her friend Kate or Ana and her mother. Or even a diary so it wouldn’t leave the audience in the dark.

Another problem that I have with the movie is the media’s attempt at using psychobabble as talking points on BDSM and associating BDSM with this movie. The two are very different things. It would be as if you were to compare a pigeon to an F-35 fighter jet. Sure the both fly, but that’s where the comparisons stop. 

Sure, Fifty Shades has a little kink in it, but it doesn’t try to explore the dynamics of a dominant and submissive relationship. Maybe they were thinking that the people reading the book would Google some of the terms on their own?

In closing, I think that the choice of the director Sam Taylor Johnson was a bad one. Even with a moderately more experienced director could have easily made this into a much better film. It was as if they didn’t want this film to be made even though they knew the book had sold over 50 million copies at the time when it was optioned. They passed up on a team of directors including Angelina Jolie, and Steven Soderberg! (What the hell were they thinking??) My advice is to wait for the DVD and watch this with a nice bottle of wine with someone you are attracted to but stop before the last 15 minutes of the film.

In English and playing now.

2.5 stars out of 5

Pros: Full nudity from both actors, light bondage, spanking, BDSM theme.

Cons: Too much hype, negative comments from folks that probably never read the book or watched the movie who are quoting “from what they’ve heard”.

Trailer: The trailer is everywhere including the soundtrack.

The sexy first kiss.

Can you guess what I'm thinking about?

Oh yes!

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Movie Review - Exit to Eden (1994)

Movie Review – Exit to Eden (1994)

Loosely, very very loosely based on the book that was written by Anne Rice, called Exit to Eden. In the original story, Mistress Lisa (played by Dana Delany) was the focal point of the story. Mistress Lisa was the head mistress of the island, a manager if you will. She and her staff of dom/mes made sure that everything was ran correctly. Unfortunately, for her she was beginning to feel unfulfilled with her duties and longed for something deeper in her life, but she didn’t know exactly what that was. 

Unfortunately, for us, the film was completely different. After several directors, script rewrites, exiting producers and cast changes the film was turned into a romantic comedy / thriller directed by Garry Marshall and starring Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O’Donnell. It had only taken them five years.

The film features the supermodel Iman and Stuart Wilson as a pair of jewel thieves who identities are accidentally uncovered by a photographer named Elliot played by Paul Mercurio. The pair realizes that Elliot has taken their picture and they manage to track down Elliot but he leaves for a trip to BDSM fantasy island called Eden before they catch up to him. 

On the island, Elliot catches the eye of the lovely Mistress Lisa and falls in love with her. He attempts to get her attention every chance he gets. Elliot is an untrained submissive and Mistress Lisa decides to take on the task of training him to fit into the BDSM lifestyle. He is bold and takes liberties with Mistress Lisa and she allows it to some extent.

While all of these things are happening, Tina and Omar (Iman and Stuart Wilson) follow Elliot to the island undercover as dominants. Both fit well into the role of harsh dominants as they seek out the innocent Elliot. The island scenes are peppered with BDSM fantasy scenes and comedy bits by Aykroyd and O’Donnell. 

I think that the director tried hard to keep a balance between the two storylines but he was unsuccessful. There wasn’t enough comedy to make it a comedy and not enough thrills to make it a true thriller. (Nor was their enough sexuality to make it a sex film.) This left us with an unpopular film that quietly sits on the shelf of that great mainstream BDSM library.

One of the interesting facts that I discovered about this film is that it is no longer available on DVD. The company that made and distributed it, Savoy Pictures went out of business in 1997 and most of the films that they made are no longer available or in short supply. Just another sad tale in Hollywood. 

In English

Rated R (You might see it on cable TV edited down to PG-13.)

2 out of 5 stars

Pros: Full frontal nudity, brief BDSM scenes, female domme / male submissive, BDSM fantasy scenes, spanking, Iman as a domme. (Hot!!)

Cons: Not enough kink. It was a little too light for my tastes and that may be the reason why the film failed at the box office. 

Dana Delany as a Mistress Lisa.

The lovely Iman.

A little eye candy for the ladies.

Most of the cast.